James Himmveldt the 3st
| James Couliard Stanson Himmveldt the 3st | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Jams |
| Affiliation | Earth, the Universe |
| Stats | |
| Elements | real person |
| Level | 10 |
| What are these stats? | |
| Biographical information | |
| Date of birth | approx. 1721 |
| Place of birth | Somewhere in Europe |
| Date of death | 1666 |
| Place of death | One half of his body was in the Vatican, while the other half was discussing geopolitics with the Shogun in Japan (even though he was dead). |
| Biographical information | |
| Species | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 2.05 meters during most of his adult life. |
| Eye color | When looking upon his eyes one would only see a reflection of one's own soul. One would then feel the sensation of shattering into uncountable shards, living innumerable lives in indescribable worlds, and returning back to real life completed as a person. Around 50% of the time, this caused immediate death. The rest of the time, it caused a mild migraine and sometimes erectile dysfunction. |
James Couliard Stanson Himmveldt the 3st (3st is pronounced "thirst") was the original author of the famous 1762 novel DVAIA: Alius Orbis that started the Dwaia canon. Aside from being a writer, Himmveldt was also a highly regarded painter, chess player, quantum theorist, politician, spelling reformist, entrepreneur, inventor, opera singer, dog, bodybuilder, speed typist, chef, grocery store clerk, bartender, parkour runner, WWII veteran, doctor, philosopher, economist, pope, car salesman, e-girl, and super hero. Sadly, he was also retarded.
Early life
Two weeks into pregnancy, James finished his PhD thesis at Oxford. When he was born 5 days later, he derived the Grand Unified Theory of physics and mathematics combined, and accidentally used this knowledge, along with a supercomputer and a particle accelerator, to send himself back in time to Ancient Rome. There he found the philosopher Lucretius and collaborated with him to build a time machine out of a single blade of grass. Lucretius, overcome with Greed, stole the time machine for himself. However, due to a defect in the construction of the time machine, anyone who entered was turned into a little anime style puppy. During this event, it became clear James had the ability to speak to animals, making him the first shounen anime protagonist. The anime spanned for 54 seasons (encompassing roughly 2 minutes of in-story time) until it ended with James inventing a machine to get out of the TV show. James, still covered in placenta from being born 10 minutes ago, then jumped out of the TV screen, along with his dog companion Lucretius, into the living room, where some teenagers were watching anime way past their bedtime. The three teenagers screamed and then died of cardiac arrest. James used some circuitry from the now broken TV to build a defibrillator. Due to the different laws of physics outside of the anime, building something like this was significantly more difficult than normal. As such, James had to fumble around for at least 20 seconds. His dog, which he nicknamed Luke, stood by not being helpful whatsoever, only making a passive-aggressive comment one time. He then revived the kids, who ran away screaming.
Having to build complex machinery using tiny fat baby hands was getting very tiring. So James set out on a quest to get himself a more agile body. Looking around the room, he noticed a picture on the wall, which he used to derive a model of this new universe's physics. He realized this was an alternate version of the planet Earth. (Yes, from real life.) He also realized that developing biotechnology in this universe would require at least 7 hours of thinking. James was feeling lazy, so he decided to try something else. Through 47 giant leaps of logic, he concluded that a hidden race of spider people lived in the planet core. He decided to visit the spider people, to see if there were any tensions between them and the humans, or anything else he could exploit to make them develop biotechnology. (TO BE CONTINUED)