DIY Lettuce Fleshlight

"DIY Lettuce Fleshlight" is a short piece on how to create a fleshlight out of a head of lettuce.

Acquiring the Lettuce

First you want to acquire your lettuce; it doesn't matter if you purchase it or if you pirate it from the internet and it can be of any type so long as it is stored as a head within a plastic wrapper.

Rotting in your own Filth

Okay, now that you have got your lettuce you simply want to poke a few holes through the plastic wrapper and let it decompose. The purpose of this is to expose the lettuce head to oxygen which will aid in the decomposition process.

Once sufficiently decomposed you want push a hole into the lettuce head. Alternatively you can do this in the previous steps if you have access to power tools. (the lettuce is a really hard fruit after all (i think you may be referring to coconuts)) Ideally you want your lettuce to become blackened and squishy in one particular area, you also want it to retain it's water as that will serve as a lubricant for later.

Fucking the Dead

Congratulations, you now have your very own DIY fleshlight. From here you can get creative; you can hammer nails into the head to simulate teeth, you can add live insects into the hole so you can crush them with your erection as they start borrowing and eating the lettuce around them (this does tend to destroy it quickly however), you can even stay inside of it and let it slowly tighten and harden around you as water evaporates from it, trapping and eventually crushing your penis in the process.

If all of this is too much for you then there's always the option of buying an actual fleshlight for your pleasure, but at least it doesn't require you to break your penis in half with a sledgehammer.

Consuming the Womb of your Sin/Indoctrination

After you are done you can simply eat it or bring it to a store to leave with the other, fresh lettuce heads.

I may... have gone a bit overboard with these titles