First Edgeon Incursion
Brief summary of before the war
The decade of the 1930s is remembered for political upheaval and non-casual rumblings of the quiet peace of The First Plane (LINK). The leadup to this rustling started in 1928 when Edgeon was formed by the weebs (LINK) of Dwaia; who had two years prior been exiled from Dwaia (the city) for political tampering. In the 1926 election of Dwaia (the city), a collective of weebs decided to run for parliament by exploiting a time cheat code to automatically win the election. This caused an uproar from Dwaian citizens in form of extremist anti-weebism, riots and angry Twatter posts. In the following months, weebs in Dwaia (the city) lived in fear of ridicule, being cringed at, and directly assaulted by an assortment of pointy sticks, torches and automatic machine gun fire. In an attempt to save the city (not the weebs. See common sense) the Dwaian parliament decided to exile all weebs from Dwaia (the city). After their leave, Dwaia (the city) found itself in a much better place. A place brighter than before, fuller of opportunities for good deeds, and a closer bond between citizens and family.
During the exile, the group of weebs swore vengeance on Dwaia; which was scoffed at and returned with additional machine gun fire, and the weebs ran for the hills. They were only heard from again when Dwaians one morning woke up with a slightly awkward and disturbed feeling. That day, those exiled weebs from two years ago had founded Edgeon, in the dark unnatural crater of Revomalland and was broadcasting it on the Dwaian radio through sponsorship. The Edgeon Weebs, again, swore to destroy Dwaia and all anti-weebs. And asked Dwaian citizens to stop sending furries over to Edgeon. Dwaia had gained its first official enemy.
For the next 7 years Edgeon had gone quiet. Apart from a few mugging incidents on the Dwaian (the city)’s outskirts and traces of weeb-memorabilia at various crime scenes, the Dwaian government did not see a reason to take serious action against Edgeon and treated them like any barbaric shit-tier raiders are treated; with orbital bombardment and artillery fire. However, during the dry-season of 1935, a worrying number of raids had been carried out on Dwaia owned territory around old Revomalland, now Edgeon, by heavily armed Edgeon samurai, which caught the attention of the Dwaian government, who responded with a few small units of scouts. The scouts could report back with hastily drawn crayon sketches of a large army of Edgeon soldiers siege artillery heading towards Dwaia (the city). This made the Dwaian government officials terrified. When asked how the scouts were able to get a hold of the enemy’s battleplan, they said that they simply wore bandanas around their mouths to simulate ninja-masks. This made the Dwaian officials even more terrified. The real reason for terror at this time was that Dwaia (the city) was not prepared for a full-scale attack on its doorstep, and a plan needed to be hatched quick.
In 1936, with a few months of grace before being penetrated by the throbbing hard cock of the Edgeon weebs, the Dwaian military armed themselves, while the government worked towards gathering allies by using text-book diplomacy, pocket buttons and promises of rare items on the current popular MMORPG, but the reality was that no country that would ally with Dwaia had a stronger military than Dwaia and would do fuck all in a war regardless. The situation grew hopeless, and a panicked Dwaian population, scared of being brainwashed into weebism, piss and shidded in terror.
It was in the middle of 1936 when the two armies met. It was obvious from an aerial perspective that Edgeon had the biggest and most heavily armed army, while Dwaia’s army seemed more like a desperate wet fart with its hastily put-together mud wall defences and napalm mines. The first proposed plan was to slow down the Edgeon forces, as a full-scale counterattack would be retardedly stupid. The Dwaian army would try and halt the Edgeon forces in stupidly tall walls and in sectors, each with different tactics to try and throw off the Edgeon assault. Fun fact: the most common and liked method of attack for the Dwaian soldiers was the “throw rocks behind you while running forward”, an ancient and famous war tactic in Dwaian history.
The first contact was made near an empty parking lot made car-fort by the 5/3rds Dwaian slingshot and long pitchfork platoon. A fort which would come to be a helpful advantage for the Dwaian army for the first few weeks and would be helpful in later tactics used to slow down Edgeon forces. The first months of conflicts were mostly loses for ignorant Dwaian army who had almost no knowledge on their most cringy enemies, who would bombard them with such weaponry as agonizingly loud and demoralizing Nightcore, a disgusting stench of neckbeard sweat and nippon steel katana rushes without politely warning Dwaians first.
The tide only turned slightly in Dwaia’s favour when Edgeon entered through a sector dubbed “The Shrek Swamps”, an area heavily populated with horny bridge trolls, racist trees with posh British accents and toe wasps. At this point, the Dwaian army had suffered too many casualties compared to the advantage of the Edgeon army, so that a new plan was needed to be made with less soldiers in mind. A decision was made on behalf of the Dwaia (the city) to retreat and guard its walls with crossed fingers and automatic weaponry.
It would be half a year before Edgeon’s soldiers would arrive at the Dwaian gates and that time was used to reinforce Dwaia, and hopefully find a suitable and deadly enough solution to obliterate Edgeon’s army.
The HECC interruption
(Note: the following is a transcript written by a Dwaian transcriber, and thus follow a more story-like structure) During the reinforcement of the glorious City of Dwaia, the beautiful and smart City Government had contacted the HECC; a very kissable machine and begged and pleaded it for answers to the vile danger lurking at the gates. More literally, the governor of Dwaia asked the HECC to “make the Edgeon guys fuck off” because “they are getting a little annoying”. The HECC, through its marvelousness and endless knowledge, answered “no. it is impossible. Dwaia is lost, and I cannot help.” The room gasped! I gasped! What an atrocity! What ungodly assault to the ears! Dwaia! Lost to a group of neckbeard circlejerkers. My tongue holds not the vocabulary to describe such an outcome. After the long gasp, a brave Dwaian soldier stumbled through the door, fell, tripped, ballsed it up, fucked about, and stopped in front of the HECC and Dwaian officials with a list. When asked for what it was, he said that the vile weebs had given him a list of changes to be made to the city after its “liberation”. The list went as followed:
• Black and red will be mandatory fashion.
• Every child shall bear the name of an anime character.
• Societal ranks are separated into levels of tragic family history (the more dead parents, the better).
• All weapons are to be replaced by only nippon steel katanas and other historically accurate weapons.
• All knowledge is to be rewritten and tempered with.
At this, the soldier was silenced by the HECC, who interrupted him with a “I’m sorry, but what did you just say?” The soldier gulped nervously and repeated: “All knowledge is to be rewritten and tampered with… To fit a weeb standard…” The HECC, now with a glowing pair of death stars for eyes, took a moment to process this information and said, “THAT… IS… ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL.” With a booming electronic voice filled with death and angry terabytes of screaming.mp4. The outburst caused a small shockwave of radiant gamma energy to spurt from the HECC’s asshole in sheer rage-induced nausea. Not another word could be spoken before the HECC, in his white-hot steamy temper tantrum, ran out of the room in the blink of an eye.
Down on the prepared battlefield in front of Dwaia’s walls, where soldiers of both sides were shouting and throwing shit (literally) at each other, the HECC landed in front of the leading commanding general of the Edgeon army with such force that a meter’s deep moat worth of dirt was thrown instantly into the air. The Edgeon general, shocked from the sudden red rocket in front of him, was taken back “Nani the fuck who are you” he would probably have said if not the HECC had raised his finger and shouted, “DELETE” at an atomic ripping decibel-levels and in the second afterwards, cummed from his finger a white and red blast of energy with the ferocity and rage equal, if not greater, than the soul-crushing feeling of stubbing your little toe in the morning. The ear-piercing blast of sound that followed was like a combination of grinding metal and first-time amateur anal. When the dust settled, which arguably took longer than expected, the Edgeon army was gone without a single scrap of manga paper left in the unbloodied mud. Only the HECC was left, who stood in silence for 1.37 seconds before starting a marching forward to cool off. In the end, Dwaia wins again. :)